I've got a lot of secrets.
A secret is only a secret if only you know.
The fact of the matter is I am king at keeping secrets.
But today I am going to share a secret, that not anyone really knows
Some times I stare at myself on the mirror for long periods of time for no reason, my favorite is a full body mirror, one that I can properly see every inch of myself in. I do this and maybe its kind of vein of me, but maybe you wont think less of my once youve finished this, then again maybe you will.
I cant help catching glimpses of myself in any thing that will produce a reflection. I think its seeing out of your eyes for so long, and then when you finally see yourself, youre seeing the person everyone else sees. Like watching yourself on tape. I see this person and I think shes honestly pretty cute. and shes saying these thing sthat I have said and the faces she makes i dont really recognize. I see this person in the mirror and she is copying exactly each movement I make, replicating it with my own perfection.
This person is supposed to be me? This is who everyone else sees? I dont feel like her.I feel like that out of place middle schooler who didnt really fit in anywhere. I dont understand why you are telling me I'm pretty when I am cringing waiting for you to drop the atomic bomb on my self esteam telling me the 5 words that haunt me, " you look...like a boy."
I look at people, and I watch them, people who I think I should be better then, and I watch them in love, and i sit here and stare at myself and wonder what is wrong with me? You think there petty love would inspire me, most of the time it doesnt.Maybe if its in a good movie? with a good plot, something that couldnt happen in real life, maybe then I will feel it, cause i think those are the things that should happen in real life, but it doesnt, and I just feel inadequate.
So yes, I stare at myself and convince myself that I am pretty. I am alone but I am pretty. I still feel inadequate.
I wish being were enough, but in this world everything circles around love.
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I am so glad that you know that you are beautiful when you see yourself. I know that you are beautiful too, and even thought I don't need to look at you for a long period of time to tell this, I just kind of do it out of the habit that I won't be able to look away.
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