These days.

Medicated pills are costly bills,
Ghastly dreams of wires and drills,
Dull surroundings though kaleidoscope eyes,
Prevail this sickness; and well no one dies.
Clammy skin, Ice cold, kid you’re burning up.
Tell me something I don’t know doctor?
I don’t even have a doctor, my insurance has expired,
Now I’m just having hallucinations of mere desires,
I don’t have any pills to make this stop,
No magic to turn this snot factory off.
The ground is hard and blankets keep me cold,
I have these stuffed animals but there’s no place like home.
Patiently waiting this out, impatiently I toss and turn,
I guess there’s no way to cuddle rock like ice can burn,
My eyes are red, my throat itches deep,
If I run when I stand up that dizzy spell won’t have a chance to catch me,
Cause I’m feeling that word vomit coming,
No, real vomit, shards and shards of my tummy,
Bent over this porcelain and its Just one of those moments you wondered what I was up to these days.

Its been a while?

Yes,I think so.
I've been at my moms for nearly a month now in a day or two and things are, well I dont want to phrase it as getting to normal because nothing about anything about being there is normal at all, but I do what I can to get by and pass the time and I'm pretty sure I'm closing in on a second job soon.
I spend a lot of my time cleaning an apartment that gets dirty just as fast as I clean it, living with two people that, I wont say cant, but WILL NOT pick up after there selfs sucks, but cleaning is a part of my job, I'm just getting the shorter end of the stick on this one.
I spend the rest of my time getting by, Watching movies that have been out for years that I just have not seen, reading books other people recomind because I have a problem of picking out any on my own to read, and writing a lot, unfortunenly I havent written anything worth putting on here and most of the time they are just letters to the few people who even give two fucks about me anymore.
I dont know where my prince is these days and I'm honestly really sad that she seems to forget about me so easily but at the same time, It pisses me off, crazy thing love.

I have learned long ago you cant make anyone do what you want them to do, so it just leaves me here stuck and sad because I dont know what to do about this girl who means so much to me who is just to caught up in her own things to be around when I never have needed her more.

Lately certain things have been sticking out to be like the quote "If you love something give it away, and I'm not sure how it makes me feel at the moment, or what exactly it means to me right now, and also this stupid bird thesis of sorts that has sort of fallen together on its own.

I told kaela that I would never want to be a caged bird because they do the same nothing thing every fucking day for there whole lifes, but then I realized that even if I was a "free" bird I would still be in a cage, just a bigger one, and now I have just finished reading "the time traveler's wife" which was a great book but I cant stop thinking about what they were saying about everyone having free will, and a life of free will is in the end Chaios.
So yeah, There is something of merit there but I think something is missing that hasnt really fallen in to place for me yet.

Well I have to leave, I will try to write again soon, I had no idea I had so much to say.