What is life..I'm tired of life.

So I havent written in here in a few days, and I'm sitting here, and I am amazingly on new levels of boredom. I know that I should be writing in here every second that I can because soon enough I wont be able to anymore, but it seems like I would just keep saying the same things over and again and besides wasting a little bit more of my life, would render useless.
This weeeeeekend has dragged on, as well as the last part of this past week. Tomorrow all I can really do is call places and ask them to hire me :P and that is what I will do. It will take probably a whole 10 minutes and the the rest of the day..Who knows. I feel like I'm just buying my time right now, and I feel stuck, and then once the 3rd gets here my last week and a half is going to fly by and I know it.
I hateeeeeeeeeeee sitting here so much right now, talking to no one. Emily is even online and we havent talked in days but I guess that ceases to matter, and kaela is busy, so busy lately, but its good at least when I'm not around to bug her anymore she wont have all this free time.

I wish I could come up with a single word right now to discribe my state of being not so much my mood or placement.

I couldnt sleep last night, I can never sleep anymore unless I am dog tired and when I'm not doing anything all day it takes a while for me to get seriously dog tired. Last night I was up and to my surperise Lyndz started talking to me, and even though now everything is cleared up, just some of the things she said are still sort of sticking to me and I'm not sure if she is even a little bit right.
I mean before, I didnt even consider that I was running away from my problems.
but am I? I dont really see what I have to run away from.
but one part she was dead right on is that I do rely on Kaela and Emily to make me happy, they are pretty much the only two good things in my life, and if it wasnt them right now it would honestly just be someone else. I need people to make me happy and relying on anyone that much will always make miserable, and I cant change that.
I just...I dunno...that conversation has stuck with me like walking around surrounded by this fog.
I want to find my own happiness, and I dont think that I will find it staying here, waiting on everyone who "loves" me to find the time in there lifes to see me. That doesnt make me happy.

I just I dont know.