I had such an amazing time while kaela was here, and ever since she has gone home I have had this lump in my throat and knot in my stomach because seeing her hasmade me realize one thing more then anything else and that is how fucking pathetic my life has been. I havent seen not a one person out side of family in nearly 4 months. Kaela usually is nearly 300,000 miles away and still found a way to see me. I'm just really upset right now. I cannot stop crying and I feel like I have no friends at all, and the people that do call me there friend have a lot of balls. I'm angry that no one ever wants to see me and I have to spend everyday alone, by myself. It's not fun and its so hard and the only thing that ever really gets me through is knowing that I will see kaela or emily again but the truth is I havent seen emily in nearly 4 fucking months and I dunno when I will ever see her again. I feel like she doesnt have time for me anymore or when she does shed obviouslly be spending it with two other people. I am looking forward to seeing kaela around christmas but I'm not looking forward to the part that I'm afraid of...that I will spend each day alone and see no one until I see her again. I dont know weather to scream or to cry. I need change in my life. I need to see really people. I cant have my only real contacts be 2 girls that live hundreds of thousands of miles away and see no one in real life.
NO!
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