Dont tell her why..

Today has been one of those really long boring pointless got nothing acomplished talk to no one kind of days.
Earlier I told myself that I wasnt going to write in here today but I feel like I need to. Since I have had 3 very important conversations since I wrote last night.

First was kaela. She always has a cute way of making me feel better, and then later last night probably the most benificial one was sarah. I didnt want to date her bacause I was in a horrible mood but I'm really glad that I did. I had to catch her up on CA, and Kaela's visit and then on everything else and why I was feeling the way I was, and some how that lead in to talking about college. Which was good, and i need to get down there tomorrow would be ideal. but I think I'm going to see about it tuesday morning. Tomorrow I'm going to call the facts people and see if I can get that taken care of before I sign up for classes they will drop me from for not doing facts within the first 24 hours.

and then tonight I talk to emily, which in a way has been the person I've wanted to talk to all along and at the same time I sort of didnt feel ready to talk to her, but after talking to her I always feel better and I do sort of.

Every since kaela has left, I've just been in this really weird mood. I realized a lot while she was here, well after she left.

I'm not happy right now, and I dunno how to change this situation I'm in.

I dont see anyone.
I dont talk to anyone.
The two people I talk to the most live a few hundred thousand miles away.
It's bullshit I havent seen anyone in the last 4 months.

and with emily there is this fine line..I know i shouldnt depend on seeing her so much, its not fair to be mad at only her for not seeing me. which I'm not only mad at her. I'm mostly mad at the situation, but I know that even if I got to see her alone that would be enough.
We had a really good talk tonight. That is one thing I've always loved about our relationship is that we can always tell each other how we feel and be totally honest and not have to worry about hurting the other persons feelings.

I love emily more then most things. I really do.

this was sort of vauge but i...i dunno.
I'm feeling a lot right now.
that I'm sitting with.