The past has past. 6|11|09

I wonder how much you think about me every day. Well not everyday do I wonder but when I am wondering I wonder; if that makes any since. You act like a rock but you seem to crumble like a cookie. I miss those times we had. I think about them now sometimes when I wonder and it all feels phony to me now like none of it was genuinely real; like in the corner of my thoughts I wanted it to be. It’s taken me a year to find words that were not loaded, and I don’t even know if they are the right ones, but what I do know is that I’m not going to try ever again to find those words. You are a distant memory, a faint burning pain, and an illusion of happiness.
“Everything happens for a reason.”“One door closes so another can open.”“Good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
I tell myself things like that all the time, and they are all true. My life now is better than it ever was with you in it. You will never understand why I have done everything that I have in this past year; more than the depth of it being the center of your amusement. I’m not the person I was when you knew me. You’re not the person I knew either and we were a lot alike…or so we thought. I have grown up so much. You have made me in so many ways; probably shaping me more drastically than any other childhood experience. Definitely a war wound I’m not proud to show off.I threw so many things away that I was, or at least I thought I was. Everything I’ve done has been for me because I was so lost without you. Nothing I did had anything to do with you or because I was trying to be like you no matter what you may think. I am nothing like you. Not saying that I am better, but you and I are on a different ship. I’ve been through hell and back, and got a prince.I could forgive you…but I don’t think I was ever really mad, just upset and hurt, but I’ve gotten over things and I wish you would fully let me go and stop popping into my life so that maybe one day I can forget too.
you and I had a good thing and you threw it away, and now I've got a better thing.
this was our fate.

I know to go on I will break you my habbit.
You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine.