Mind Game..

Another tick another tock another drip is a drop, another hit another nock….I think someone’s at the door...If I wait, will they stop? No lights, no sleep, just another day, between the mattress, pillow case and me. Think think think…I think I think too much. Insane insane insane, insanity is being sane this much.I just want to be alone, avoid outside connections, and turn off my phone. Being alone like this is pathetic unless it’s what you want, and I can’t admit that I’m pathetic; but I know no one would call if it was on, and I can’t be pathetic staring…hoping, refresh refresh refresh….not even the minutes change..PatheticAn empty vessel a delusional pain the only time I feel alive is when it rains. When the grounds I walk on shake and the skies light up, rain drops collide with my skin, it’s the only time I feel real again. I feel small, like for once I really fit into my skin.I’m sick of this world, this love this hate, always second rate. Just to be with the one you want, is it real love? False hopes an echo in your ear, just what you want to hear, does it make you feel better even if you know it’s not true?It’s a power struggle between you and yourself, between your mind and your heart, between yourself and the object of your affection. Is it a control issue? Self control? Mind control? Control Control Control? Don’t you ever feel like you’re losing control? Who’s really in control?Is it worth it to hurt like this? Vulnerability? Holding back, giving in? Let’s share this sin? Mehh its whatever I guess? You wait all day; plan your day around that one call or a text, and then once it’s over? What’s next? Too much is never enough, and we are only human, a bag of skin filled with guts. We want to act like we don’t care that much, but every second apart it’s the fear in us...It’s the fear that makes us fall so fast? Makes us change our ways, and put on a different mask, or is it a need?Who are you really when you’re looking in the mirror? Strung out from no sleep, no eats. When your alone…no lights, n o heat, just another day, between the mattress, pillow case and sheets? Are you someone to be desired? Someone to need? The number one human need is being wanted, missed when you don’t come home. Nobody really wants to know that they are this alone in a universe of millions. It’s pathetic.Being inside of your own head can make you feel like your crazy. If no one lied it would make things a lot more easy. If everyone was honest, maybe we could all love deeper.Another tick another tock another drip is a drop.